When I was a kid ,the only thing I knew about Confucius was that he could be used in any variety of bad jokes, usually puns, usually dirty. One kid ends up finding some old book of his uncle's, and proceeds to dispense the wisdom of the sages to those around him:
Confucius say, "Baseball all wrong, man with four balls cannot walk."
OR
Confucius say, "Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
